Questions to ask parents about their life

You do not need to work through this list in order. Pick one question that feels natural for a phone call or a visit. Let the answer lead where it wants to go. You can always return to other questions later.

If you are recording the conversation for MeldLife, the whole recording is useful - you do not need to edit out the pauses, the tangents, or the places where they go quiet for a moment. All of it becomes part of the story.

• What is the earliest memory you have?
• What did your childhood home look and smell like?
• Who was your best friend growing up, and what did you get up to together?
• What did your parents do for work? What do you remember about their working lives?
• What did a typical school day look like?
• What games or activities did you spend most of your time on?
• What was the biggest difference between your childhood and how things are now?

• What was your first job? How did you get it?
• What did you want to do with your life when you were young?
• Did you travel? Where did you go? What do you remember most?
• How did you meet the person you married or lived with?
• What was the most difficult period you went through, and how did you get through it?
• What were people your age worried about at the time?

• What was your relationship like with your parents when you were young?
• Who in the family had the most influence on you?
• What do you know about your grandparents or great-grandparents?
• Are there family stories that got passed down that you think are worth preserving?
• What do you wish you had asked your own parents before they were gone?

• What were you most proud of in your working life?
• What did you find hardest about work?
• Were there choices you made that shaped everything that came after?
• If you could have done something completely different, what would it have been?

• What would you want your grandchildren to know about you?
• What do you know now that you wish you had known at thirty?
• What has surprised you most about how your life turned out?
• What has stayed the same about you from when you were young?
• What is a moment you are glad happened, even if it was hard at the time?

The best question is often a follow-up: “And what happened then?” or “What was that like?” or simply silence after they finish a sentence. Many people stop before the most interesting part because they think they are not being listened to.

If something they say surprises you or moves you, say so. People tend to go deeper when they know the other person is paying attention.